A love letter, or the lack thereof.

At 23, I believed I was too hard to be loved, too complicated with an identity that felt like a tangled knot. I wrote the letter below in that season of my life, convinced I had to be simpler, easier or more ‘put together’ to deserve love; only to be gifted with an angel by The Angel. The Most High reminded me that, 

“As long as you stay on the right path”, al-Sirat al-Mustaqim, 

“I promise you will arrive at the gates of all you wish for.”

That message rooted itself in the gates of my heart. Pain, doubt and shame transmuted into creativity, connection and art. Seeds planted in my soul opened the Divine gates of a holy love, for myself, and others. I learned that the best thing you can do for yourself, even if your soul yearns for more, is to focus on the things within your control: your personal, professional, and creative goals.

Every day in prayer, I affirmed:

“Thank you for helping me with my personal, creative and professional opportunities, for writing through me, speaking through and moving through me”.

And while I prayed for my family, friends and loved ones, I also asked for the discernment to stay on the right path even when it felt unclear.

Written April 2023 - My journey towards so-called ‘self-love’.
The hardest thing to do after hardship is reclaim your self-worth and remembering that you are still lovable. Past experiences can leave us feeling hard to love, diminishing our confidence or self belief. We carry too much ‘baggage’. We feel stuck in repetitive cycles, frozen by what once was. We crave love that hears and sees us as we are.

Instead of leaning in, we begin to retreat. Tiptoeing to the nearest exit and disconnecting from ourselves. But if we listen closer and look on the other side, we realise something deeper. In reality, no one arrives at the doorstep of love whole, perfect and without scars. We all carry something, and arrive in our form. Divine redirection often feels like shame and rejection - a perpetual cycle of victimhood, shame and blame. We feel alone.

But love is not something you ‘earn’ or ‘achieve’ once you’re ‘healed’, ‘perfect’ or immune to the parts of you that are still healing.
Love lives in the process.
Love listens to the parts of you that you’re just meeting.
It embraces the parts of you still learning and unlearning.
Love creates safety.
It respects your space and boundaries when you need them.
It reminds you to be still when life hits you from all directions. Love holds you during sleepless nights.
Love gives you the space to put your life back together, rebuild your systems, and balance your books.
Love is releasing you when you need to be released.
Love is respecting you as a friend before a partner.
Love sees you, soulfully.
Love hears every part of your story.
Love says: thank you for staying when you’ve been handed every reason to give up.
Love holds space.
Love listening.

@bdivineau